sooo filled with disappointment.
sighs...
they are definitely much more than what meets the eye now.
i have a strong feeling about it.
sigh..
what to do?
now i can only just sit and watch them..
it doesnt make a difference no matter how hard you try..
you always give that kinda of hope, but it will always turn into something unrealistic
seriously, i am just horrible at everything.

BLESSED CHRISTMAS! :D

YAY, finally everything is OVER! :D
Yesterday's was rather screwed up. especially the singing and the PHOTOFRAME!
i was sooo upset about it because isaac told me to STICK it properly.
AHHHHH! ))))):
Didnt do my best yesterday, so im very upset about it lah.
But, thanks to all my friends, namely Ruifen, Huayuan, Xiaojing, Farhana, Ronnie, Haziq and Jian Ping (xiaojing's friend, i dont even knw who. LOL)
Aiyo, they so sweet lah. I didnt prepare their presents and I received presents.
Damn pai seh, but i'll go shopping for their present soon! i promise! :D

Anyway, we went carolling too,
benedict was my santa in elfster, hahahahahas!
this year got alot of presents. even Jaime gave me something!
it was so nice of her, although the present was abit kiddy, but its the thought that counts.
and she used her own money to buy it which was very very sweet of her (:
so, i still owe her a present! :)
anyway, i think i got to find out something.
but.. i cant confirm it yet. was rather expected though.
sorry, but im super kaypoh, so yah.
hahahahas,
tonned at justin's place which caused sooooo much nagging from my mum.
which eventually spoil my christmas mood and i didnt go out for a drink with Xiaojing and the rest.
URGHS, super irritated.
ohoh, but we managed to watch the video of our musical on monday.
SUPER FUNNY, ESPECIALLY JUNHAO.
I LAUGHED SOO MUCH, IM SORRY.
i hated the way i look because i look disgusting.
urghs, im so irritated with myself.

oh wells,
i need some sunlight on my skin.
and this time, i dont want to peeeelll!!!!
i want a tan please (:
hahahahas, ok fine.

BLESSED CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! :D
WE ARE THE REASON FOR THE SEASON! :)

HELLO!
ZOMG, IT WAS A SUCCESS! HAHAHAHAS,
ONE MORE DAY TO GO! TMR TMR TMR :D
CLIQUES WILL BE COMING AND IM SOOOO EXCITED PLEASE.


Yesterday, I was soooo scared that my hands were shaking like mad and i couldn't stand stll properly when i was singing. oh mans, pray i'll overcome it tmr! :D my relatives came and eunice gave me a sunflower! so sweet! thanks girl! :D my make up wasnt very nice, cos er, the eye shadow was too bluish. =/ anyway! thank God that everything went well (:


Today, we went to fernvale and er, i shall not mention the ambience. urgh, ask justin how many times i complained lah and you'll be shocked where we actually did the skit. urgh, DONT ASK ME PLEASE. LOL. OH AND I HAD BABOY ADOBO!!!!! YUM YUM YUMMMMM WITH ROASTED CHICKEN FOR DINNER AT TITO MANNY'S PLACE! HAHAHAHAHAS, HAPPY OKAY. I MISS PHILLIPINES ):

ANYWAY! TMR TMR TMR! (how many times have i said that alr?)
hahahhahhahas, and then thre's CAROLLING! AND AND ER... PRESENTS!
:D, im so excited.
okay bye.

chicken adobo, chicken adobo~~~~ :P

friends & family are the best things in life (:
i couldnt' disagree, because without them,
im nothing. and im nothing without God too (:
im a happy kid!

tmr's the day!!!!!
excited x100000~~~
today's rehearsal was good.
pray that everything will be even better tomorrow and on the 24th.
Jing and gang will be coming on the 24th. which makes me even more excited because i haven seen them for one weeeek! ): and i missed out all the fun. hahas. nvr mind, shall bring my camera yo~! needa snap and snap pictures! <3<3<3!

im so happy, cant explain why.
maybe because the whole musical is going well.
(: and then there's carolling, there's YF camp! aiyo!
so many things and soooo exciting!
i hope everything runs well.

i've started on a few christmas pressies already.
haven gotten the rest done yet.
eeky, no time to lose yeah? :D

hmmm, and maybe im really not ready for a ...
hmmmmmmm.
need more time. need more time (:

turning point.

eh, can those who will be turning up for the musical confirm with me,
so that, i dont need to be anticipating whether who will be turning up.
hahahhas :P

yesterday was something new and im still getting used to it.
oh well.
did heavy shopping today.
bought lots of stuffs for christmas.
and two tops from mango for christmas.
hahahhas, shit lah.
im spending money like spending water.
then there's rehearsals today.
good start, but very messy and stuffs.
especially changing in and out of the clothes.
urgh.
somebody isn't feeling good because of today.
you cant help it lah, so dont feel so bad ya.
cheer up, im only a sms away ya.
& you're the one forgetting that there's someone who's here for you eh?
come on, run everything in your head.
you know what you should do. professional way okay :)

well, i need to get my feelings correct asap.
there's no way i want to hurt him.
soon, i'll figure it out.
very soon...

am in the midst of a confusion now.
don't know what im exactly doing.
i think, i need to talk to my mum when she gets back from malaysia.
i dont even know if its God's will because, im having mixed up feelings.
maybe i just need more time to 'pei yang gan qing'
ahhhh! but i still cant forget him.
die liao..
God, help me please.. ):
what's your will?
i really dont know..

okay, im really dumb not to read this entire letter,
but when i finally read everything.
i was shocked because this is a real situation.
and yes, i know the "couple"
i was.. sad lah. can relationships really be that fragile?
really, two of my friends have already said that its a happy ending for the girl and yet, a torturing ending for the guy.
sighh.. if only things would get better for them and the girl can really feel the love the guy has for her.
aiyo, so sad please ): i nearly cried reading the letter..
anyway, i copied this letter from Ronnie, my channel news asia reporter when i was in phillipines. HAHAHAS! :D

here goes..

Dear,

I am sitting in my living room alone at 3am plus…. I really cant sleep because to kept thinking about us…. So here I am penning you this letter………

It has been a long time that we did really sit down and talk face to face to each other. I had realized that we have not been talking that much since a month plus ago. Now when we talk, things will start to turn ugly… Either we quarrel or you just simply brush me away. I wanted to let you I really tired to give my utmost effort on everything I do. Because of school work, (I really need to study hard because I don’t want to let my family and most importantly you down) plus my commitment in the organizing of the first ever school adventure race, I am struggled for time to meet up with you. But you ought to know whenever I am a taking a breather or on the way home you are constantly on my mind, thinking about you and your well-being. But when I called you yearning for your soft gentle voice to sooth my tired soul. You know what happened then. It just makes me wonder the very intention to work hard for my future and hopefully for ours as well is wrong. I wish to let you know, as far as their relationship is concerned, I am really trying my very best to accompany you and give time. I feel really devastated…. This is really the crunch time of my life… I really need your support and understanding… I really do. It’s really important to me who love you so dearly to know that you are safely home every night…. And because me loving you too much… I may sound really harsh in the way I talked you…. I am sorry for all that… But you know it hurt me when I see you so miserable…. I want to be there to offer my shoulder to you and hold you…. I really need you to be understanding. Really I really need that… The weekend is definitely for my loved ones which include you. And you know it, every time when I go out with you, I will always want to give the best to you in terms of entertainment and food and etc…. I really want to you be my happy loving girlfriend….

However, since a month ago… you started to change… You started to avoid me while I am trying to talk to you. You start to go out more on the weekdays and come home later than usual. You have stopped telling me most of your problems and instead telling our classmates and I usually the last to know, which hurts me.. I am suppose to be your boyfriend.. I am supposed to be next closer person to you other than your family and the very thought about everything just breaks my heart..

I really want to narrow the gap that we had been widening between the two of us..i want to salvage our relationship, but simply brushes me away.. I can’t do anything..(*sob) you used to tell me your problems and much other stuff, but now. I wonder why you treat me like that. I am your boyfriend not just any other friend... it is boyfriend and it hurts me a lot whenever you treat like this.

Every time you keep secrets after secrets from me. I will be more worried and desperate to know what really happened. I have always keep my emotions from everyone expect you and my best friends and family. I blame myself. I question myself why you want to suffer yourself alone and not share the burden do and pain with me… your boyfriend who treats you like family, who love you. I will become emotional whenever I talk to you as those emotions have hidden and waiting to show you my very true and raw feelings. That’s the reason why I raised my voice at you as there is so much of emotions to show you. But I really really cared for you and wanted the best for you.

I always realized when I not around and when you are sad. There are a few people especially one person offering you comfort but that is just my observations. I really don’t know whether I am right or wrong. Every time, about all these things, I had said I will end up blaming myself, as it is all what I have done to cause it… But I dun no what the reason is.

But ARE YOU HAVING DOUBTS about us? It is Very Heartbreaking to be your boyfriend, which has to read your blog to find out what has happened to you while others can just talk to you face to face and I cry silently while the whole world can talk to you, touch you, waiting in pain for you to come thaw the freezing unbearable pain that has been cutting through my heart..Do you understand how much pain and sadness and sorrow I have to bear watching you suffer and not having the chance to help? I have to pretend to be cool or normal in front of people who can’t understand me…

When ever you say you feel like dying, feel numb, drink to escape the reality and treating yourself badly in health and wellness it so painful to see and hear that. I feel so painful so see cry and not telling me anything. I really don’t know what has happened expect the things that I have read in you blog.

I really don’t know why you write that I am mentally torturing you and want me stop.I am not sure too that what you need to think about you and why you need a cool down. I respect your decision to cool down and reflect… But these are what I want to tell you since a month ago and deep my heart down. I hope you know I want us back, I want my happy bubbly ******** back… who would walk along side with me in my life journey, grow up together, get good result together.. I can’t help but to bawl while I am writing all these… simply these because I really miss you..

Please don’t torture me.. I will be waiting for you.. I love you…

Heartbroken,
*****

so sad right!
):

wow, the trip was pretty awesome after all.
on monday, we went off to palawan and to some nearby resort.

but well, we went to the underground river, into the caves. omg, it was super scary please

we tried turning off all the lights and the caves were freaky.

we were in total darkness and we cant even see our own fingers!

anyway, i got really dizzy after that whole boat thingy cos our boat broke down.

and we got back when the sky turned dark.

but we stayed overnight at that island and er, the room was disgusting because the toliet was choked, the shower wasn't workin the tap wasnt working. and then there was ALOT of cockroaches!!!!! sick shit, it was really disgusting luh. but what really cheered us up was that, me, charlene, chris, joel, jared, daniel and junhao spend 2 hours staring up the sky and guess what, the sky was filled with ALOT OF STARS! WE WERE PRACTICALLY UNDER THE STARS!!!!! it was awesome i tell you. we had sooooo much fun talking and crapping about everything and we saw many many shooting stars! and the best shooting star we all saw was that the star crossed 1/3 of the sky and it was super bright! thats the best best bestt!!

and on the second day, we crossed over to coco loco island and we reached at night. so we spent the night catching and running after crabs! we had no time to look at stars though. but we had fun after all (: cant remember what we did in the afternoon cos we spent most of the time on the ship. yeah.

third day! wednesday eh, we went snorkelling in coco loco first. and it was really cool! :D but i still had the phobia of water though. i kept looking out for sharks lah. then we went island hopping, i was super bored out. so i didnt continue to snorkel later in that day. but i was dead tired. we went to jared's room to play daidee and some stupid maths game which killed my brain cells. hahaha.

fourth day, i cant remember. but i think we kept visiting different churches so it was rather cool :D and we finally got to stay in some NICER place whereby the shower is working, there's hot water, and everything lah! it was awesome. but we didn't stay up too late cos it was super tiring for us.

fifth day, we went to honda bay and we did MORE SNORKELLING! very good experience and er, i got really badly burnt. hahahas, and i had balut juice was spoilt my entire appetite.

yesterday, jared and i did some shopping at the SM Mall and er didnt get much stuffs. so i spent all my money of undergarments. LOL, i just grab and buy luh. nothing else to buy already. then, i bought 3 bottles of cologne. one strawberry, raspberry and another is the one which the smell that i love on jared's cardigan. i finally got it! loved that smell ever since i first smelt it on justin's towel. :D pretty cool eh. yeah anyway, i miss Tito Nonoy and Tita Jo ): they are really nice people. I'm sure that I'll go back to phillipines again (: so we reached singapore like 12am and we bought baileys mint choco! HAHAHAHAHHAHA. cooolie, surprisingly my parents didnt scold =/ anyway, jared was a very good pillow. LOL, thanks Kuya. I know your arm was very very sore.but thanks anyway Kuya Jared! :D

and i got to see many true colours during the trip. hahahhas damn funny. i laughed till my tummy really really hurts lah. overall, it was great (: now im talking to the other kuya (: and we have plans coming up! wheehees! party time!

right. my family is going malaysia without me tmr cos i'll be having rehearsals. ): im stressed and worried. like my heart is dropping please.. im so scared about the actual performace luh. urgh. hellllppppp =/

anyway, be sure to be there to watch the musical alright. ciaos!

went to moonwalk community bible church today and i've met new friends!
yay! they still are in the world of f4 and 5566. lol, so cute please :P
anyway, today was good. we went to CFBC (i think) for the afternoon service and the poor kids are alllll so cute! i had hell lots of regrets not going one week earlier ): but the thought of planning to go next year makes me happier. hahas.

so ya, we went to eastwood city for dinner while uncle Manny and auntie Arlyn met up with their relatives. and Tita Edith's daughter is so adorable! she didnt want to talk to jared and joel but when we wanted to leave, i asked the girl to gimme a hug and she did! muahahahhas ;D i win!~
oh ya, Tita Edith is Uncle Manny's sister, who happens to have the same name as moi :D wow wheeee! oo, and we ate at some chinese restuarant. peking duck! hahahahas, like wow, fattening =/

oh well, tmr we've gotta wake up at 5 plus to take a cab to the airport.
palawan tmr! wheeeheeees! :D:D:D i've yet to buy anything for everyone yet. especially for kuya justin :P
and im so lazy to think of what to buy -.-"
oh wells. no more internet after today ):
so ciaociao!

hello! greetings from phillipines!
hahahas, yeah yeah.
i arrived here like.. at 4.05AM and i was practically half awake.
so, today, we didn't go too far.
just did a few simple shoppings lah.
but i only managed to buy ONE ITEM during the few hours of walking.
daniel, junhao and aunty radha went with me and we were practically half dead walking around the mall.
and im super sensitive to the word "BALUT" now because balut is actually an egg with the foetus of a duck. damn disgusting please. I have a bad feeling that junhao and daniel will make us eat when we get to palawan. die liao!

anyway, aunty radha jared and myself is in Tito Nonoy's house now. and we're using the internet which is rather laggy. and so, churchie tomorrow! :D and more shopping! I hope (:

yeah, take care people.
bye!

yay, few more hours before i actually leave the house.
going for dinner at ah ma's place before heading to the airport.
errr.. not sure if i REALLY brought what im supposed to bring.
but i think so? =/
rights,
but i cant wait to get back because i wanna get my mp4 player with peiling!
zomg, im like so excited can :D:D:D:D
and thre's christmas shopping to be done.
blah blah blah..

okay,
i've gotta go.
have fun during the week people! <3
no bleach for me for 1 weeek ):
boohoo.....
bye (:

Awwww, I love this two together :D
Rukia and Ichigo. LALALA
Oh and Hitsugaya too, a really good looking guy.
Er okay fine, I indulge in this toooooo much.
BUT I CAN'T HELP IT LAH. HA.

Anyway, I'll be flying off in er.. 11 more hours.
packed my stuffs already and er,
dont know if i missed anything out.
LOL
aiya, dont have the mood to blog now.
cos im watching BLEACH LIVE.
Rukia is not as pretty as I expected,
Ichigo and Hitsugaya isn't as handsome as I expected.
Wasted ):

*yawnn..
as a matter of fact,
I'm really tired now ):
and im done chatting with korkor
so, miss me people!
i'll be gone for a week :D
miss me okay.
hahahahas,
shall slp now,
ciaos <3

OKAY I FORGOT ABOUT FAIZ.

LOL, HERE'S ONE!

i spent my entire day in the hospital today.
was deciding whether to go school after visiting Jared,
but i changed my mind. HAHAHA COMPUTING SUCKS!
if it isn't for computing, i would have gone loh.
but thank God Jared was discharged today (:
like yay, but still unsure if he's able to fly on sat.

anyway, yesterday was cool (:
i went for dinner with KL, Sarah and Deb.
we went to Gelare for ice cream waffles and then to raffles city's Chippy!
had cheese sausages with kl and we had fun talking hell lots of crap :)
i don't remember talking so much to deborah last time because i think we're not so close.
but ytd was cool. haha <3
and after that, i went to look for the 'clique' in suntec and we had drinks as usual.
and i had one bottle okay!
great improvement right! hehehehhe :P
but when i reached home,
i had a splitting headache. fantastic -.-

okay!
2 MORE DAYS
2 MORE ONLY!
HAHHAHHAHAS
im like excited/nervous
dont miss me :D:D:D:D
and i haven packed my stuffs yet.
whoops =/

i've finally posted the pictures.
zomg, my head feels heavy now and there's a splitting headache.
wow, zzzz
BYE, I SHALL TURN IN NOW.
and its now 1.06AM
shall post like.. at night lah.
BYE

jared, what in the world actually happen?!
this is such a bad timing!
we're leaving on sat and you're in hospital.
get well soon..
you promise we'll cam-whore in the plane.
what happen? what happen??
i'll be praying for you. as always.
i dont want to take the plane alone.
get well, really.
get well )':
i pray it isn't serious..

drivesmecrazy,drivesmewild

http://www.nlbpc.org/the_reason/
details for the upcoming musical (:
kan chiong, kan chiong!
less than 5 more rehearsals and its the actual thingy.
i think im gonna have butterflies in my stomach on that day.
*faintt*

anyway
one day down, and four more to go!
wheehees! and i cant believe i have to bring my script there to rehearse!
): oh well.. means i need to print the new script out liaozxzx -.-
we need to jiayou~! wheeeee~!

hmmm..
i've realised.
getting occupied with things really brings the love down.
i dont think as much as i used to now.
i dont feel love only on you.
but practically everywhere (:
well, i dont know if i still miss you.
hmmm. we shall see (:

another thing.
is love really such a complicated thing?
or rather, does love really cause so much jealously?
i don't understand some things.
for me,
i'll shoot any girl who dares to get hanky panky with my bf.
disgusting piece of shit.
im so disgusted.
SO "XIA JIAN"
WO KE JIU YAO! NI ZHE GE DA BIAN TAI.
muaha,
should we get desperate when we have no partners at all?
LOL, HELL NO?
like hello, whats so nice about having a bf man.
no freedom, no free expression, no self fun, no time for friends****
friends damn important please.
rules, promises, etc..
NOT NICE AT ALL PLEASE!
i've been caught in a box ever since then and i've learnt my lesson.
no bf for me. for now.
besides, who will like a fat and ugly person like me? HAHAHHAS.
okay fine.
no one likes ugly people.
and ugly people shouldn't be asking for people's numbers or etcc of the opposite sex.
especially when the person is damn goodlooking or pretty or wow or whoa.
its so embarassing please -.-
like the friends of the opposite gender will be laughing their shit out.
who would want to be such a fool? not me not me!
i know my limits de :D
sadly though ):
hahahhas, but i've got great friends. great friends and family makes the world go round.
love plays a small part lah. i do love people okay :D:D IM SUCHA NICE PERSON!
sometimes, i hate it when i grow feelings for someone.
cos i know it will be impossible and it hurts.
WHAT WAS THAT ELF'S NAME IN FRED CLAUSE WHO SAID LOVE HURTS?! LOL
i know because i still have.. well.. 30%? or more feelings still stuck on him. knn -.-
fine, i shall take my time to slowly forget about you.
awesome.
i hate falling in love.

aiya, but seriously lah.
there's pros and cons.
DIFFERENT PEOPLE DIFFERENT PERSPECTION.
DPDPDPDPDP~~!
conclusion?
SINGLE IS THE BEST!
DONT BREAK PEOPLE UP!
DONT BE THICKSKIN AND KNOW YOUR LIMITS!
WAIT PATIENTLY FOR SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOU, AND YOU LOVE HIM/HER BACK :D
BUT THE BEST IS,
WEEETS! FALL IN LOVE WITH ACTORS PLEASE.
THEY CAN NEVER HURT YOUR FEELINGS. hahahahhas~
like how i love Daniel Radcliffe, and etc etc etc :D
wheee! this is so fun! :D
actually, there's a motive for this post.
because i was irritated today.
by some shit news.
you know, i know, and nobody else knows.
MUAHAHAHHAHAS.

ey, i think i can be rather evil at times ya?
but thats because I SPEAK FROM MY HEART.
i don't mean to hurt anyone,
and i cant stand certain things.
upside down dog, and stuffs. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D
well, maybe i can be nicer.
without the shit stories of shitty people going around,
without upside down dog pissing me off
and irritating me with all the sentences starting with "I TELL YOU!"
(TELL ME WHAT, I THEN TELL YOU AH! GO HOME, TIENG CHU, BALEK KAMPUNG, HUI JIA!)
and dont "NO, NO, NOOOOOO" me!!!!!!!
WHO ARE YOU TO "NO, NO, NOOOO" ME!?!?
you think you teletubbies vaccum cleaner NONO ah?!
this is how you irritate me okay. i cannot tahan one loh please -.-
be nice and i'll be nice.
and i'll definitely contribute to the team without you irritating me.
LALALLALA.
and please, for some people.
dont laugh at the post.
especially this paragraph.
ahem.

right, UT TMR.
AND ITS COMPUTING.
WOW, FANTASTIC SEY.
BYE. AND LOVE ME COS IM SO MEAN ;)
MUAAAACCCCKKKKKSSSS! <3
&oh, are we drinking tmr darlings?
if you all are...
maybe.... i can consider :P
hopefully no zits pop out.
luck for UT! <3

&& oh,
haziq, thanks for what you have written for enterprise.
much appreciation.


right, bye
LOL

okay, barracuda, my flight is 12.40AM.
HAHAHAHHAS, no need to see me off liao (:

anyway, sarah and deborah came back for a visit today!
zomg, i feel so wow (:
it's been years since i last saw them and they look so prettttyy!!!!
gonna go out with them during the week before i leave for phillipines.
teehee (:

alright, shall go back to my bleach now.
episode 80++ liaos!
wheeee. chiong more chiong more!
bye :D

hi, its 1am now and im tired..
watched fred clause with "the clique" today. LOL
gave me such a christmas-y feeling(:
and oh, i like bleach now :D
to think i used to think that daniel and junhao is rather -.- when they were choing their anime shows.
okay, i watched till 3am ytd(fri) :D:D:D
gotta finish choing by this week so i can return Qibin the disc before going to phillipines.

urghs, stupid cough is making me irritated.
sure turn in now.
ciaos.